the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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