I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
