Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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