your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
