Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
