party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
