Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
