I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Say something about gay babies.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
