so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
