Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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