then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
