K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
