Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize