It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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