You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize