Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize