last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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