You're completely useless in the revolution.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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