apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
