you traded sex for a burrito?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did I show you my penis last night?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize