I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
