I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
