im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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