I heard we made out
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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