she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
