Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize