you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
