one might say we're banned from that church
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
