Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
