so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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