Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
