You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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