who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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