New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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