im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
