one two three fourrrrnication!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize