In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
