Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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