Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
