Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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