i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
