If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my poor anus
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
