I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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