The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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