My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
