I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
