She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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