he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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