I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
