I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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