If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize