I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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