Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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