The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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