Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
