We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
