She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
