It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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