I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
