five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
