What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
