this just has baby written all over it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
