oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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