Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
