Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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