I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
