summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
